It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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