I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
