Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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