blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
