I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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