I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
