walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
