it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
