I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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