ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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