I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
