I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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