it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
