I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
