She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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