I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
