there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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