You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
