When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My vagina just clenched in fear
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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