You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they're like a gay fantastic four
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
