i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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