He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
