Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
