I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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