we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
