So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
