her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
