The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
