i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
