his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
