I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
