sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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