but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
