i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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