What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
