I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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