that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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