I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
