she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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