I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How naked do you want me to be?
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