4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
