I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
