Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
