shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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