shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
