Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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