when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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