i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
God, I missed his penis.
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