I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
