Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
